Spoiled of Children

There are a number of institutions, which have been established for the welfare of children. Nurseries and schools have been set up in every nook and corner of the country for their better education. Then, why the children become uncouth? Are they spoiled by birth? Are they jealous, touchy and victims of inferiority complex since their childhood? Or various situations, events, and environment develop these weaknesses in the personality of a child? There is a saying of the the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam):

"Every child is born with the natural religion (Islam) but these are the effects from his or her parents, which make him or her a Jew, Christian or pagan, as they get old" (Mishqat)

It is an established fact that all the babies are born with the same nature but specific situations, events, or environment creates specific habits among them. Here we will discuss all those factors one by one that affect or can affect the nature of a child.

1. Over Affection:

When the very first baby, especially a boy, is born to a family, it celebrates the event with fervour. And it is quite natural. But the problem starts when this baby grows into a child and we overlook most of his bad habits only out of affection, when the child grows up and starts going out of home, he sometime steals or damages a property of some person. When the victim comes to lodge a complaint, the parents, instead of questioning their child and forbidding him from repeating the act in future by admonishing him, start scolding the complainant. They claim that the complainant was telling a lie and their child cannot be a thief. Such parents inadvertently become a cause of spoiling their child. Later on, this child openly adopts the wrong path. We have even observed that some parents attempt to develop horrible habits among their children and inadvertently or intentionally, become a source of their moral destruction. For instance, some people who are chain smokers, put a cigarette in the mouth of their children and ask them to have a puff. Some parents, to show that how obeying their little one is, ask their children, to steal money out of his paternal uncle's pocket or abuse him.

2. Teasing:

Sometimes we make the children touchy simply by teasing them. For example, we do such acts or call the children by the names that they abhor. For us this thing is just a playful act, but this makes the children short-tempered.

3. Inequity among Children:

Some parents do not maintain the same level of affection with their each and every child, which makes them short-tempered e.g. taking along a specific child, while embarking upon a journey or going to a function causes jealously and inferiority complex among other children. A teacher, who gives importance to just one pupil of his class, will naturally give birth to three types of emotions:

Other students will develop a jealousy against the favourite student.

Such a teacher will lose honour and respect among other students.

The other students will be forced to think as to what special qualities of the particular student have made him a favourite and what was lacking in them for which they are being ignored. This makes the children fall victim to inferiority complex.

4. Situations:

Some children are orphaned in their early childhood. After the death of their parents, their close relatives do not care for the education of the orphaned child, this fallen victim of indifferent attitude, these children indulge in various futile and aimless but destructive activities. Some parents, due to their poverty, make their children to work in factories, mills and workshops for earning livelihood. These children are deprived of their right to get education, their thinking narrows, while they fall prey to various diseases. Mill owners make them overwork like machines, while the atmosphere of such places is also not suitable for them.

5. Environment:

Environment deeply affects the education and manners of a child. He will reflect his environment in his attitude. Some children, especially youths, under the influence of their bad company, become a problem for society instead of becoming a true Muslim. Some children, who are themselves very pious, but, after keeping a bad company, start committing the vices of which they have not even thought of before it. To judge that how a good or a bad company may impress upon personalities, we should keep in mind the famous Hadeeths of the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam):

"The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows (respectively). So as for the seller of musk then either they will grant you some or you buy some from them or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from them. As for the one, who blows the blacksmith's bellows then either they will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from them." (Bukhaari and Muslim)

So it is the responsibility of every one of us to protect one's children from bad company. We should keep a vigil on our children to know where they are roaming about and with whom. We should create a complete Islamic atmosphere in our homes so that if the bad company outside his house somehow corrupts a child, its effects are diluted after he comes home.

6. TV, VCR etc:

TV and VCR etc are the worst enemy of the morality of the children. Especially those who are fond of watching plays and films from their early childhood, they fall prey to countless vices and immorality before they grow up. When a child watches a film sitting beside his parents, he takes every scene of the film as right and it impresses his mind deeply. After watching a film, there is no good either the child mimics a villain or a hero.

7. Parents Attitude:

Sometimes parents start quarrelling with each other in the presence of their children due to which they get disappointed and begin to look out for other ways to avoid such scenes. During such incidents, the children come to know with the weaknesses of their mother through their father and with the shortcomings of their father through their mother. Because of it, they start disrespecting and disobeying their parents, setting aside all the manners and politeness.

Sometimes there rings the telephone bell and the caller wants to talk to the father. But the father does not want to talk to the caller for certain reasons or he does not want to meet a visitor at his home on some occasions, he asks his son or daughter to tell the person that his or her father is not at home. Because of this act, the child learns that telling a lie is a routine and then he or she feels no problem in telling a lie at all such occasions where they feel its use as necessary --at home, school, among relatives etc.-- and uses this tool very fluently. Another loss of such an act is that if sometimes his parents try to give him a good piece of advice, he is mentally not prepared to accept it, though he may nod in the affirmative or say so orally before them.

Children normally copy their parents. They will do whatever their parents do. If the parents are regular in offering their prayers, observing fast and acting upon religious doctrines then the child will automatically follow them. Some parents do not get up for their Fajr prayers or do not recite the Holy Qur'aan by themselves but they force their children to get up early in the morning and go to mosque for recitation of the Holy Qur'aan. On the pressure of the parents, the children may go to the mosque but they will do so with a heavy heart, cursing their parents in their heart. However, if the father takes a child along with him to offer every prayer, the child will follow suit happily and will be regular in offering his prayers.

Eliminate these errors quickly but steadily so that you can play your role being a Muslim parent to provide strong Muslims to the society and ask Allah to give you courage and success for this purpose. (Ameen!)