Being Good to your Parents

In today’s rapid-paced life, we often tend to get so busy that we forget our parents’ rights. Family values have significantly dropped in our lives and our friends often become more important to us than our own relatives.

We have forgotten that first right among human beings is the rights of parents and then rights of children. What better can emphasize the good treatment of our parents than the following verse from the Qur'aan:

“And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) "Fie" nor rebuke them and speak to them in honorable terms.” (17:23)

There are two noteworthy conclusions that may be noticed from this verse. First, Allah the Exalted has called for good treatment of parents immediately after ordering us to worship Him. This proves the importance of being kind to our parents and the elevated status in which Allah has placed parents in our lives. Second, He has ordered us not to utter even the least of inappropriate comments to them; thus it is very surprising that some people yell at their parents or even tell them to shut up.

Furthermore, when Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) was asked which deed was the best, he replied: “The prayer at its appointed hour”. He was asked: “Then what?” to which he replied: “Kindness to the parents”. Again he was asked: “Then what?” He replied: “Earnest struggle (Jihad) in the cause of Allah.” (Muslim)

Whether or not you live with your parents, or if both of them are still alive, here are some tips to a good relationship with them.

1. If you live with your parents:

1. Bring something home every now and then. For example, buy them a gift or a cake, whenever you receive your paycheck.
2. Make sure to spend time with them every day, whether it be for reciting Qur'aan or reading Hadeeths together, conducting household chores or just plain friendly talk.
3. Go out with them.
4. Obeying whatever they ask you to do, as long as it complies with Islam. But if the command you any Non-Islamic thing then disobey them with respective manner, as Qur'aan Says:

“We have enjoined on man kindness to parents but if they ask you to join (partner) with me, for which (shirk) you don’t have factual knowledge then disobey them. Unto me is your return and I will tell you what you was used to do.” (29:8)

Reverts to Islam often tend to face difficulties with their Non-Muslim parents. Likewise, Muslims who take up new acts of worship (such as growing a beard or wearing Niqab) might get into unpleasant situations with them. Although one should not abandon such acts of worship in order to obey one’s parents, one should still retain a good relationship with both parents and treat them kindly, as much as possible. Allah the Exalted has ordered us to obey our parents even if they are non-Muslims – but, once again, as long as what they ask complies with Islam. Conditions such as this require a good deal of patience and can be considered opportunities to show your parents that your newly-found beliefs have actually made you better and closer to them. Hence try to obey them as much as possible and disobey them on Non-Islamic things with a proper respective manner.

2. If you don’t live with your parents:

1. Visit them regularly -- say once a week or every two weeks.
2. If you are unable to visit them often because you live far away for example, then do the next best thing by calling them frequently. Also, you may send them letters and don’t forget greetings with them on Eids.

3. If one or both of your parents have passed away:

In the authentic Hadeeth, a man came to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) and asked him whether he can do any good for his (Muslim) parents after they passed away. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) told him to do the following:

1. Supplication and seeking forgiveness (Astaghfar) for them, if they were Muslim.
2. Executing their will, this should be Islamic.
3. Connecting with relatives (good people, at least from material world point of view) that are likely to be cut with the parents’ death.
4. Honoring their friends (who must also be good from material world point of view).

Important Note:

Make it clear, if someone’s parents were used to do Shirk (associating partners with Allah) and they died in the condition, either they were Non-Muslims or Muslims by name, you must not ask Allah for their forgiveness. Allah strictly forbade asking forgiveness for a person, who had died, while he or she used to do Shirk (associating partners with Allah), such a person will never be forgiven by Allah.